I had a mediation session with a man who when working as a sacred sexual teacher/healing caused harm. Safe Mediation held the most safe loving and supportive space for me while going through this difficult process. They were fair and balanced, and had everyone’s best interest at heart. The experience was of love, honor and integrity for everyone concerned. This wasn’t the first experience of mediation I had gone through with this man, and the first one [with another mediator] was challenging, so I was very nervous about this second attempt, with Safe Mediation this time. But I really didn’t need to be. I felt heard, held, honored and respected, a far cry from the last experience. They made the mediation experience sacred and wonderful; they did an excellent job. If you have been through anything like this, I would highly recommend their service. It really has taken my healing of this situation to a new level. I still feel there is more but that is from [the counterpart] side, and I do hope we have a final mediation, and I would of course want Denyse and Anaisa to hold the space. Thank you ladies from the bottom of my heart.
Dear Denyse, Dear Kamela, Thank you so much for handling the whole mediation process and especially the meeting yesterday in such a heartful and professional way. I felt relieved that after two years somebody from [the counterpart organization] has listened to me.
I’m a really sensitive person, and I need safety to open up. I don’t open up to people I don’t feel safe with. I only open up when I feel safe. The regular process involving court and police doesn’t feel safe to me. A lawyer gave me feedback that my situation is tricky for the justice system in Germany, and the advice was for me to focus on my own healing. I know other mediators trained in Germany in restorative justice processes, and that is usually connected to the police, the regular process. I wanted something different, something that would be healing for me.
What supported me the most was what Denyse said in the beginning: ‘I have been there too.’ Listening to her was like coming home. The way how you, Anaisa, do it, the power of slowness creates such a deep, rich, trustful container. I felt seen, and held. Especially in our first conversations, I was testing you, Anaisa, to make sure you were the right person for me to open up to. I didn’t know who you were and how you would create that space, so it was important for me to get to know and sense you. I really love your approach and dedication to healing. In a typical restorative justice process, the roles are defined as victim and perpetrator, and that per se sustains a power imbalance, and I didn’t want to be the victim again. And you, Anaisa, could hold a balance so I wouldn’t get into that triangle again. I’m grateful I made my decision to engage in this process. You are pioneers because you invented this format, and my process was only possible with you.
After the mediation, I realized that in this mediation process, I faced my deepest wound and got wonders on so many levels. I couldn’t imagine that result before. During the process, I always had the feeling you were taking care of me, checking in on how I was feeling, and that made it special.
The way the whole process was designed exceeded my expectations. Anaisa, you designed the process in such a beautiful way, including facts, emotions, and how power was given away. I never had experienced mediation, so I didn’t know how it would go. I liked it was very structured and made a distinction between who I was then when the harm occurred and who I am now. Sometimes we stick in the situation that happened, and we don’t look into how much we grew up to now. I also loved the encouragement for self-compassion, focusing on me, my well-being. The meditation you guided in the mediation session was bringing me back to myself. I shared with a friend, who is a lawyer and mediator, about your process, and I realized then that the way you do it is very, very special. You took insights from all different lines of work and different approaches, and you created this container based on who you are, Anaisa, and that only people who went through similar situations or are dedicated to this kind of work can create this type of container. It is not that you learned to be a mediator, it is all the knowledge you have from different backgrounds, even meditations, and you take them in to create this special container.
Overall everything is clearer and I am way less angry at myself for being [once] in a relationship [with the counterpart] (just realizing it as I’m writing, it’s a nice feeling). I feel like I’ve moved on a bit farther from that time.
I want to share also that life is amazing because when we were preparing for the mediation, two friends of mine came to me to share their memories or discoveries of past abuse, as I was also a victim of abuse as a child. It has led me to think and talk a lot more about splitting (psychologically). I have come to think that, when I said I was annoyed when I felt like [the counterpart] apologized [only] because he thought it was expected of him, I was actually feeling scared that only parts of him were apologizing, while other parts remained oblivious to what had been shared. But I know that, in time, all the parts can communicate and that is definitely not in my power. I saw some very scary parts of him and it allowed me to see some very scary parts of me. Thanks to all these events combined I can attach more meaning to past trauma and I guess this is a big deal in the path to recovery!
Finally, I believe that this mediation process was fruitful for my unconscious because now I have a little Anaisa and a little Zoe in my head, holding the space for internal and external sharing of difficult feelings. So thank you for joining the army in my psyche!
